if you were me

"some people think for a fortune..
some people think just for the fame..
some people think for the power ohyeaah..
some people need just to play the game..."
Ooohh..

I think everybody need care, need love, need faith and need someone to be with
but, the fact changes if you were in different situation..

"when you love someone just be brave to say
that you want him to be with you..
when you love someone don't ever let him go..
or you will loose your chance to make your dreams come true.."

hard to say what my feeling tell right now..
I just found my limited barrier of my heart..

i never have purpose to hurt someone or somebody..
i love everybody besides me.. whoever, whenever, wherever, and what they did..
i thought that everything is good and great because of God.

i love you, Jesus..
i really honored to be Your child..
but, I'm realize that I limited.

I can't do everything that You can do as usual.
i'm weak and freak.
just hold my hands and never leave me..

i'm fall into 2, 3, 4, 5 hearts..
i was wondering if I have 5 hearts, i'm sure I can decided my heart correctly and easily.

but I'm realize that I couldn't do it and never have 5 hearts soon.

if you were me......

i don't want to hurt everybody, someone else, or somebody..
i can't make a decision..
maybe it was a coincidence..
but i'm sure there's no coincidence in the world..
everything is okay in God's plan..

hm..
besides it, i need someone to hold me up, wipe my tears, listen to my problem, hug and be here for me whenever i need him..
but, i think about their feeling if i make a decision..

i let my problems flow like a water in the washtafle..
let my tears drop fell into my pocket..
and let my guilty burn in my brain..

they  gave the same caring, the same feels and the same action..
just different in the time to know and close each other..
i'm stuck..
i'm stopped..
i'm give up..

give up to thinking about it every night..
give up to cry every night..
give up to share it to my closest siblings..
give up to asking my self about my feeling..
aahh


i think, everything will be okay,
if........
if I...................

if I don't make a decision..

:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( 


in other words,
I sacrifice what I need for their feeling..

it hurts me, honestly..
but I have no choice..

i love being someone who loved by..
i love being someone who cared by..
i love being.........

hmm just forget it..
i'm sure that i can stand alone here, with all my beloved friends..

all the admirers can be my best best best great great great and close close close friends :'D
i hope, whoever reads my writing, you can imagine if you were me...




love and hug from my deepest heart,

Rara Purba...